dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have feelings that need drinking.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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