you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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