can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
