Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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