I think my vagina is haunted
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
