Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize