I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
