I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
