Apparently you make a good broom.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm at about main and main street
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
