You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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