Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
