She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
