someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
