Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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