Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
