Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize