I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
