Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize