yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
