God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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