True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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