there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's always time for handjobs
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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