I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
