I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
