she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
