Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
