I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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