She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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