My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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