I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
