i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
