I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
