I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
