I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My breasts were aching with rage.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
