The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
