You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
