Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
