My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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