Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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