someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
