Having a random hookup so left but love u
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
