There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
