Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
