Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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