Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
