The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
