just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
