we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
