fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You have to summon your inner elephant
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
