Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
