Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
