I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
