and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
