My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
