Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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