Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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