I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
