Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
