my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
