I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
