I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
