I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
