I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
